Wings Made for Water - The sky was never the goal

Wings Made for Water

The sky was never the goal

I always thought I was just bad at life.

Too sensitive. Too forgetful. Too "weird". Too much, and yet never quite enough.

I thought meltdowns were character flaws to be hidden and suffered through. That my deep need for silence and solitude was just being grumpy. That the constent exhaustion, anxietiy, and sadness I carried was just what being a "grown-up" felt like.

Then, about three years ago, I was watching my two sons grow and navigate the world with their own beautiful quirks and sensitivities and noticed many striking similarities. Something about seeing them—really seeing them—made me wonder if maybe I hadn’t just been “bad at life” after all.

Maybe I had missed something or has been overlooked.

What started as quiet curiosity quickly turned into exhaustive research, then reflection, and finally… clarity. Clarity yes, however also a lot of grief and what could have been thoughts

In my late 40s, I was diagnosed with autism.

It didn’t fix everything or anything as I want to stress there is nothing to fix, however there is much to accept. It did explain a lot though. And in that explanation, something loosened. Not instantly, but meaningfully, and for the first time in my life maybe a little purpose.

This blog is part of that loosening.
It’s me unmasking in real time.
It’s what it feels like to realize you’ve been playing a part you never auditioned for, in a play you didn’t know you were in.

You won’t find advice columns here.
I don’t have a list of “10 Ways to Cope.” I am learning as I travel this path

What I do have is truth—written with love in hopes it will reach and helps others.
Observations from the messy middle.
Thoughts about how we can build better communities, treat ourselves more gently, and maybe, just maybe, start belonging to our own lives. If I can ever prevent someone from experiencing some of the pain I have had along the way due to not knowing, that makes it all worth it to me.

Welcome to Wings Made for Water.
The sky was never the goal.